It’s time for a Eurovexit. Yes, sorry 12-year-old girls and most of my LGBT friends but the time has come to hold our heads high and walk away from the sub-political hate-fest that is the Eurovision Song Contest once and for all.

United by music my a*se.

We are quite clearly at a party where no-one wants us. Worse, where they actually detest us and make no attempt to disguise their loathing. It’s a party which ostensibly exudes a veneer of love and inclusion.. but scratch the surface and you’ll find good old fashioned bigotry, xenophobia, and hatred of Britain.

Oh, and it’s also crap.

At this year’s Eurovision in Basel the United Kingdom had three talented girls and a half decent pop song in Remember Monday and What the Hell Just Happened. And the music industry professionals, who make up half the Eurovision scoring, totally agreed, placing them high. Italy even gave them maximum points.

But when it came to the pan-Europe “people’s vote” Remember Monday were demolished and humiliated, scoring nil points. And I think we can only conclude this is because Europe hates us. And wants us to fail humiliatingly.

Estonia came third with Espresso Macchiato - perhaps the most execrable, teeth-grindingly excruciating, infantile song ever written - a song so puerile it made Agadoo feel like Smells Like Teen Spirit. But Tommy Cash, flanked by two hunky bouncers-cum-dancers, was channelling his LGBT so the public overlooked the unpalatable fact that in Estonia violence against the LGBT community is rife, so much so that Pride marches were suspended because of risk to life.

Nope, the nasty politics are reserved specifically for Britain. Oh, and Israel of course. Europe wants us to fail and fail humiliatingly.

Nevermind we destroyed our own country to save Europe from the Kaiser in 1914 and Hitler in 1944 (...you’re welcome) - all this Euro-generation knows is we left the self-interested, protectionist, power-crazed racket that is the EU… and for this we must be reviled and ostracised. It is a lesson Keir Starmer should keep front and centre today as he meets with EU leaders in London in what is being billed as a Brexit Surrender Summit. He’s trying to sell it as a cheery, happy-clappy family of nations “reset”.

But he should remember this: they don’t like us and they want us to fail humiliatingly. Even former political adviser to the French Ambassador in the UK François-Joseph Schichan warned: “Almost 10 years after the Brexit referendum of 2016, the language from some European officials has barely changed. The message is still: The UK must pay.” And so what the Brexit-hating Starmer is doing today is selling Britain down the river in an attempt to re-join a club which loathes us and does not want us. But it wants our money and it needs our military.

Look at what he’s doing:

Offering free-access to the UK for 18 to 35-year-olds, meaning up to 80 million EU citizens could sign-up for Visas, and travel to Britain to use the NHS;

Capitulating on fishing - offering our waters to the industrial-scale, marine-life damaging, mega-trawlers of the EU and selling out our own fishermen. Again.

Lining-up to pay millions, perhaps billions, into an EU defence fund;

Supinely allowing Euro-courts jurisdiction over our own.

It is the mother of all sell-outs. It is re-joining the EU by the backdoor - and this time we won’t even have a seat at the decision-making table. And remember, we do not need to do it. They want our money and they need our military. Starmer claims the summit will help with “barrier-free trade” - but he’s talking about false barriers maliciously erected by the EU simply to make life harder for Britain and rub our Brexity noses in it.

He thinks a “security pact” is needed with the EU. Why? We have security pacts with the sovereign nations of France, Germany and Poland - the only nations with a military worth a damn. Indeed Britain and Germany are currently jointly working on the world’s most advanced intermediate-range missiles. And he may find that offering any ability to impose EU and court rules on Britain anywhere, anytime, is now legally impossible. It can, and would be challenged.

A Downing St adviser said that Starmer’s view is that “people have had it with the Brexit wars.” They haven’t. They’ve had it with a succession of politicians with neither the wit, the skill nor the guts to push Brexit and make it work for this nation. There is one guy who might be up for the challenge though… as Mr Starmer will no doubt find out sometime around 2029.