Manchester United 0-0 Brentford. Matthijs de Ligt’s head wound splits open again, requiring more treatment. Once again he’s patched up and sent back to work. Not ideal, though, with United already missing a few of their defenders through injury. They’ll hope to patch up the Dutch international properly during the break.

Ipswich 0-1 Everton. The referee is hauled over to the screen. A quick look, and the decision is reversed. No penalty.

Ipswich 0-1 Everton. Jack Clarke is brought down by Dwight McNeil and a penalty is awarded. Or has Clarke kicked the back of McNeil’s leg? The referee has awarded a spot kick, but VAR is taking a long look.

Manchester United 0-0 Brentford. United have had a couple of extremely presentable chances, but Christian Eriksen and Alejandro Garnacho have been unable to take advantage. The story of United’s season. OK, one of the stories of United’s season.

Newcastle 0-1 Brighton. That was a big blow for the Toon, who had been on top. Moments earlier, Alexander Isak was sent scampering clear on goal, but couldn’t convert. Danny Welbeck’s response, reward for a cute one-two, was Brighton’s first whack at goal.

GOAL! Newcastle 0-1 Brighton (Welbeck 35)

GOAL! Ipswich 0-1 Everton (Ndiaye 17)

GOAL! Southampton 2-0 Leicester (Aribo 28)

GOAL! Celtic 2-0 Aberdeen (Kyogo 27)

Fulham 1-1 Aston Villa. Matty Cash handles, the ball headed onto his outstretched arm. Penalty! But when Andreas Pereira takes, Emi Martinez guesses the right way, and flops on the weak effort. Chance to retake the lead spurned by the hosts!

GOAL! Celtic 1-0 Aberdeen (Hatate 24)

Ipswich 0-0 Everton. Early opportunities at both ends, with Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Jack Clarke missing fine chances. File under: Worth Waiting For, Nearly.

Celtic 0-0 Aberdeen. No goals yet at Parkhead. Or in the match between Motherwell and Dundee, which is being watched by James Humphries, reporting from north of the border / performing donuts in a tank on Simon McMahon’s lawn: “Another beautiful day in Lanarkshire; ten minutes in at Fir Park and Lennon Miller has already done three impossible things. He’s gonna be a great player for Celtic one day (he said, wearily).”

Manchester United 0-0 Brentford. Matthijs de Ligt is fine to continue, despite that whack drawing plenty of blood. He’s patched and cleaned up, and away we go again.

Ipswich 0-0 Everton. The game has finally started at Portman Road.

Manchester United 0-0 Brentford. … meanwhile on the pitch, Matthijs de Ligt has taken a whack upside the head from Kevin Schade, injuring himself while making a heavy challenge. He’s currently getting it fixed by the physio as the game goes on.

Manchester United 0-0 Deptford Brentford. No sign of former Manchester United ambassador Sir Alex Ferguson in the Old Trafford stand. That’s because of a long-standing prior arrangement, according to the United PR people, who Sir Jim Ratcliffe will note are earning their money for sure this afternoon.

GOAL! Fulham 1-1 Aston Villa (Rogers 9)

GOAL! Southampton 1-0 Leicester (Archer 8)

GOAL! Fulham 1-0 Aston Villa (Jimenez 5)

Before Brentford score their usual early goal, let’s have a quick rummage around the pre-match postbag. “Greetings from California at sunrise! Thanks for the respite from my country’s existential dread of another Trump administration with a cracking schedule of football. I am trying to adopt a more positive attitude towards my Everton six-pointer fixture with Ipswich but my ulcer isn’t co-operating at the moment. Hopefully Pickford used up his quota of Howlers versus Greece. Come on you Blue” – Mary Waltz

“Between Brentford’s fast starts and Man Utd’s sleepy, all-sorts midfield and defense, there is about 600 ways this could go wrong from here till Wednesday! Could this be the end then, beautiful friend?” – Karen Asad

“I am VERY much looking forward to today’s action, especially THE match of the day, for once coming from north of the border, with Lord Ferg’s old club in great form and with a chance to do what Rangers have failed to do these last few seasons. But I’m also fascinated to see how the curse of Ratcliffe (see also Ineos Britannia, Ineos Grenadiers, Ineos Formula One...) plays out on the greensward this afternoon. Clearly, Brentford will score inside 2 mins and that will then be a proper test of the United crockery. Squillions of quid invested and not a single trophy to show for it. You have to admire the depth of his pockets, while wondering how much longer he will feel like dipping his hand in them. Come on you Nylons!” – Jeremy Boyce

Ipswich v Everton. There’s going to be a 15-minute delay at Portman Road. Turnstile issues, it’s reported.

It’s 3pm and whistles sound across the land. Here we go, kids!

Speaking of the old fitba, here’s Clocko’s old pal from the banks of the rolling waters of the River Tay, Simon McMahon. “Continuing the 1980s nostalgia theme, Dundee United are at Pittodrie next week, after today’s visit of Hibs to Tannadice. 40 years since this, in the same year Dundee United took a 2-0 lead to Rome in the European Cup semi finals, and the year after Aberdeen became the last side to defeat Real Madrid in a European final. How times change.”

… and seeing we’re also keeping a beady eye on the Celtic-Aberdeen clash, here’s how things stand in the Scottish Premiership. Is it possible that Jimmy Thelin will become the Alex Ferguson to Brendan Rodgers’ Davie Hay? Ewan Murray allows himself to dream a little dream before deciding naw.

There have been four early games in the Championship as well. Here are the luncheon-infused classifieds.

• Cardiff City 5-0 Plymouth Argyle

• Luton Town 3-0 Watford

• Oxford United 1-1 West Bromwich Albion

• Preston North End 1-0 Coventry City

Cardiff spring from the bottom of the table by routing the extremely hard-to-predict Plymouth Argyle. Luton also enjoy themselves with a big win, theirs coming over M1 rivals Watford. Coventry City, who in a parallel universe are the holders of the FA Cup, continue their worrying decline with defeat at Preston. And Oxford continue to go along nicely, like it was the mid-80s all over again, a late equaliser earning a point against promotion hopefuls West Brom. All of which means the table looks like this going into the 3pms …

The Premier League table. Here’s how everyone sits after Tottenham’s rout of their London rivals and ahead of the 3pms. Aston Villa, Brighton, Newcastle, Fulham and Brentford all have a chance to make some waves towards the top, but it’s down below where the real action is this afternoon, with relegation six-pointers involving Ipswich, Everton, Saints and Leicester. Manchester United meanwhile are loitering on the Purgatory Mezzanine, so expect plenty more noise coming from off-stage afterwards if they don’t pick up three points at Old Trafford.

FULL TIME: Tottenham Hotspur 4-1 West Ham United. The lunchtime match has just finished, and this time it’s been West Ham’s turn to implode in the second half. Spurs rebound from their capitulation at Brighton to move into sixth place in the Premier League … for a couple of hours at least. Ange Postecoglou’s side were full of the usual attacking verve, though the Hammers were a desperate shambles and Julen Lopetegui trotted off down the tunnel with a face on. Rob Smyth has all the details.

Celtic v Aberdeen teams

Southampton v Leicester City teams

Newcastle United v Brighton & Hove Albion teams

Manchester United v Brentford teams

Ipswich Town v Everton teams

Fulham v Aston Villa teams

Preamble