The Kardashians want to monetize your chin

If you’ve got $48 and a burning desire to look like you’ve just had major jaw surgery, then you’re in luck! Kim Kardashian’s shapewear brand Skims has just come out with a contraption called the Seamless Sculpt Face Wrap, which it describes as its “first-ever face innovation”. It’s essentially a piece of Velcro that goes around your face to provide what the marketing copy describes as “targeted compression for shaping & sculpting” via “collagen yarn”. No, I don’t know what that means either.

While I may be a tad unclear on how “collagen yarn” is supposed to work, I can tell you exactly how the Kardashian-Jenners operate: if there’s an insecurity that can be monetized, they’ll find a way to monetize it. Over the years the reality-TV-famous family have built an empire flogging everything from dubious detox teas to skincare products while posting heavily edited images that reinforce toxic beauty standards. The new face wrap appears to be an attempt to cash in on growing interest around what has been dubbed a “snatched jawline” – which is essentially a very chiselled jaw. A number of dubious products, including jaw massagers and “mastic chewing gum”, have popped up, promising to help you achieve this look. Now Skims has come out with its own exciting face innovation to get into the action.

The medical-looking Face Wrap also seems to play into the way in which plastic surgery has become normalized. Celebrities used to be fairly hush-hush about going under the knife. Now they’re spilling all the details about which doctor they went to for their procedures and how much it cost. One surgeon told People magazine that the public is starting to see plastic surgery as just “another form of self-care”.

While Skims’ new face wrap may scream “useless gimmick that promotes unhealthy beauty ideals”, it has already sold out and generated one unusual celebrity endorsement. In an Instagram video posted on Thursday Anthony Hopkins sported one of the Skims masks and jokingly slipped back into his Silence of the Lambs character, “the late, great Hannibal Lecter”, who wore a similar chinstrap in the film to curb his cannibalism. “Hello Kim, I’m already feeling 10 years younger,” Hopkins says. In a caption he added: “Don’t be afraid to come over for dinner.”

Also chiming in on all the Skims chatter is Katie Piper, a model and TV presenter who was the victim of an acid attack in 2008 orchestrated by her ex-boyfriend. In a TikTok posted on Friday Piper said that the Kardashians’ “latest offering” reminded of her what she had to wear during her burn survivor recovery. “Please, people, don’t imprison your face in this contraption,” Piper says. “Don’t be so cruel and unkind to your face … to encase it in a stupid strap that, by the way, does absolutely nothing.”

Amen to that. While it may be obvious, it’s worth reiterating that the Kardashians and other celebrities don’t look the way that they do because they strap medieval-looking torture devices around their faces while they sleep. Rather they shell out for expensive procedures like $100,000 deep plane facelifts and $500,000 facial rejuvenations. In 2023 Sharon Osbourne told the Telegraph that while she hadn’t kept a running total of how much she had spent on cosmetic surgery, “it must top more than a million.” You can buy whatever sort of body you desire these days – it’ll just cost you an arm and a leg.

Anti-abortion Texas Republican accused of paying for abortions

The Republican state representative Giovanni Capriglione played an instrumental part in ensuring Texas has some of the most restrictive abortion laws in the US. Now a former adult entertainer called Alex Grace has claimed that she was romantically involved with Capriglione – who is married with kids – for almost two decades and he “funded several abortions for his own personal gain”. (There are some other extremely disgusting allegations involving cookie batter that I won’t repeat.) Capriglione has admitted to having an affair but says the rest of the story is lies. While I can’t confirm this particular case, there are plenty of other documented instances of anti-abortion extremists funding abortions for their mistresses.

Elon Musk reposts tweet claiming women were ‘built to be traded to another tribe’

Meanwhile, Donald Trump has been banging on about how Jeffrey Epstein “stole” Virginia Giuffre and other young female staffers, who he hired from the president’s Mar-a-Lago country club. Isn’t it lovely that the men who seem to consider themselves masters of the universe all seem to believe women are their personal property?

Ghislaine Maxwell has been moved to the same prison as Elizabeth Holmes

Perhaps the pair of them will collaborate on a new venture.

MasterChef contestant edited out of series after asking for it not to be broadcast

Sarah Shafi said she didn’t want the new series to be aired following allegations against the presenters Gregg Wallace and John Torode. Instead the BBC edited her out of it. “I didn’t say edit me out,” Shafi said. “I said: ‘Axe the show … Prominent figures have been abusing their power. What message does that send out to women?”

Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau were seen on a dinner date

After telling us all she was going to put the “ass” in astronaut, Perry seems to be sharing the same orbit as the former Canadian prime minister.

How did period drama get so raunchy?

Hollie Richardson does a deep dive into the sudden explosion of steamy scenes in costume dramas.

Nintendo of America once suggested giving Pikachu ‘huge breasts’

Pikachu is a cute little Pokémon species and, according to a newly surfaced interview, it almost got given feminine breasts for the American market in order to appeal to the sort of people who like to sexualize animated characters.

How Israel caused a famine in Gaza

A “worst-case scenario” human-made famine is now unfolding in Gaza – and the US continues to facilitate Israel’s genocide.

Australian lawmaker says women like hairdressing and men like maths

Liberal National party MP Terry Young has spoken out against a push for gender quotas by saying that men and women are drawn to different careers. Men like maths and physical exertion, according to Young, while women like styling hair and caring for others. “[I]t’s 2025,” the infrastructure minister, Catherine King, said in response. Your gender never means a job is off limits.”

The week in pawtriarchy

Let’s head to Florida now, where police recently arrested a Chuck E Cheese mascot for credit card fraud. “Chuck E, come with me,” an officer said as they led the large mouse away in handcuffs in front of horrified children. It’s not clear if a mugshot is available but one imagines police photographers asked the rodent to say “cheese”.